Troubled

Probably didn't make the correct decision to be so persisting to know about all these... After all, what am I hoping for? At least I know how she is feeling despite how troubled and upset I am feeling right now. And it's funny how sometimes I can just laugh about it when it's affecting me so much. 

It's not about my ego nor pride neither it's about me playing the sympathetic role because this is not a game. 

I'm willing to give in and take the first step as long as it doesn't hurt me but you see it in that way...

How is it so easy for you to say you don't care? Is it because you don't value this? Because i fucking care.

Sometimes I'm really the biggest loser in life. From not being able to protect my mom when she's alive, not being able to protect my aunt and my ganma, taking my friends' concern for granted, screwing my studies.... 

Really lost in all aspects in life..

Family, friends, studies, myself.. Really don't wish to fail in my relationship with justin too... 

So helpless so painful but what can I do?