It's the day where I spent the day distracted from such thoughts but it will still get back to me at the end of the day when I'm alone in the living or shower.
It's the day I get reminded how I'm being abandoned by my parents and people whom I love deeply. It's the day that reminds me of my mom the most. How she gave birth to me on this very day yet she was never here with me since 8 years ago and on... I ask myself why do I still need to be on this earth when no one wants me. My existence caused my parents to leave me, my aunt and godma to be in dire situation, my close friends who are disappointed in me. So what's the point?
I fell a lot this year. I learnt how to get back up by myself without anyone. I learnt how I am the only friend to myself. Each passing year taught me how to be a colder and harder person to reject love and to be loved.
It's not about wearing a mask, it's when you wear the mask for too long and when it's time to take off, you get lost and confused. So you put the mask back on because it's too scary to be who you truly are.
I lost myself 8 years ago when I lost you. Now I don't know who I am.
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