Capability

Sometimes I wish I'm capable of my own expectations. I wish I was how I pictured myself to be. I wish I could be juggling well with my loved ones' issues, my personal issues, my studies, my appearance, my body clock — myself. But I am so incapable. Being incapable of fixing others' problems is alright, but I'm incapable of fixing myself. Why am I in such a mess? Why is my body clock fucking up during exam period? Why is my relationship with my bff going downhill yet idk what to do? Why is my r/s with my aunt so screwed that I don't even have the guts to tell her about bkk trip? I wish I can handle external issues well yet at the same time have time to fix myself too.. Studies screwing up, face still not showing any improvements. Times like this I feel so useless and doubt my worth again. Why am I so incapable? Or should I question myself, what am I even capable of in the first place? 

Better off dead.