Fucking pissed off

Why are people always so shallow? Why is it that even families are so mean and sacsartic towards each other? I hate it all the sharp words whenever I'm outside facing all those hypocrites "friends" but even when I'm homed I have to suck it up with their bullshit nonsense. 

Do I really deserve all these? Deserve all the shits in the world and nothing good? Fuck them and bullcrap, don't ever wonder if it's other factors that caused me to hate this fucked up "family" because family don't hate and fuck each other over and over. YOU make me hate my existence here. YOU make me feel like I don't belong here. YOU make me feel the least deserving and worthy. 

Sleep

Been struggling with sleep for so long... And had my first sleep paralysis experience yesterday. Is this a whole new level of stress? I guess I have been doing well in keeping my emotions. Or not since I'm back here again. 

Always getting random flashbacks of my mom and I'm glad it's always the ones that put a smile across my face. How I would always lie on her lap while gg to work with her and always ended up with numb legs due to the awkward sleeping posture. Things hasn't been right lately. Godma. Results. School. Stress. Haven been doing well in school too... Sigh bye no mood to continue type