"Don't be nice to me because I'm afraid I can't treat you back the same way.
Don't be my safe haven that I will always seek comfort at because I may be overly reliant on you someday.
Don't be the hand that I will reach for at my breaking point because I may fall hard without your support someday.
Don't give your best effort because I may take it for granted and abuse it someday.
Don't prove me otherwise because I fear for the day that you will be the same just like the rest will come.
Don't be selfless in your love for me because I may be selfish enough to keep it all for myself.
Don't make me the happiest girl because I may be the saddest girl without you.
And when you are gone, I have to start all over again learning how to go back to my original position in a world without you.
Just like the sun, I'll be a hot mess for you to handle. The only thing you can do is to look away."
Monday, December 26, 2016
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Her birthday
It's someone who first made me actually felt her unconditional love for me.
To made me realise what true love is all about. Not just your typical bgr, it was something deeper and meaningful.
God knows how long was the last time I saw her, I want to ask "how have you been?", "are you okay?" but it doesn't matter anymore. On what grounds, I am even allow to know about her circumstances? I am not befitting of any value for her at all.
I wish I had more to give. More love to provide her with, more concern to provide her with, more stability to protect her with, more strength to lift her up when she down, more positive vibes to shower her with. I wish I can give her my everything but then again, I have no attributes to serve. I was too lacking of everything she needed.
But honestly, I would love her with everything I have. I can't do anything to help but I will do anything without a doubt.
To see how she suffered right before my eyes, all the pains she endured through by herself, all the heartbreaking things that happened to her killed me. And I wonder how much is she hurting to experience all of those when witnessing it alone was enough for me?
I wish you could have selfishly kept the love you gave me for yourself.
Be happy, healthy, loved.
(you will always be in the 2nd place in my heart)
To made me realise what true love is all about. Not just your typical bgr, it was something deeper and meaningful.
God knows how long was the last time I saw her, I want to ask "how have you been?", "are you okay?" but it doesn't matter anymore. On what grounds, I am even allow to know about her circumstances? I am not befitting of any value for her at all.
I wish I had more to give. More love to provide her with, more concern to provide her with, more stability to protect her with, more strength to lift her up when she down, more positive vibes to shower her with. I wish I can give her my everything but then again, I have no attributes to serve. I was too lacking of everything she needed.
But honestly, I would love her with everything I have. I can't do anything to help but I will do anything without a doubt.
To see how she suffered right before my eyes, all the pains she endured through by herself, all the heartbreaking things that happened to her killed me. And I wonder how much is she hurting to experience all of those when witnessing it alone was enough for me?
I wish you could have selfishly kept the love you gave me for yourself.
Be happy, healthy, loved.
(you will always be in the 2nd place in my heart)
Monday, December 12, 2016
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