I hate myself

I really wondered why... Is it because I didn't give you the faith enough or I didn't give you enough attention and care.. Why would I feel this way? Why wouldn't you tell me anything abt your health state? It makes me think so lowly of myself... Like I wasn't even worth for you to tell me.. Am I a nobody? I know that even if I know anything, I still won't be able to make time to accompany you or help you in anything... But sigh... I just wish you are well and fine...  I don't even know why such a small issue can affect and upsets me this much... And then I will always think why should I tell you my stuffs and assure you when you don't even assure me... Why should I let you have a peace of mind while I'm here constantly feeling like loser.... Then there's another part of me who doesn't want you to feel how I felt because it feels so awful and suffocating... I would rather I be the one sucking up all these shit than trying to make you feel how I felt... I really hate myself. What a loser I am. I hate myself.