4am thoughts

I should lower down my "appreciation level" which means I should feel appreciated easily with the least effort of words and actions. I should feel appreciated at every single thing like even typing on this macbook right now. I think I am weird haha my thinkings are so unexplainable and complex. If my "appreciation level" is lowered, I will feel happier and better. Life would be much more easy.
Well, I don't really consider myself "hot-tempered" but I must admit i remember things that made me feel awful of myself. I don't get mad easily but I don't exactly bear grudges. I probably have a very high benchmark of being angry and happy and recently my threshold of sadness is getting lower sigh... which means i get upset easily and cry often. I really hate it... I hate how I think and I hate my incapabilities.

Just another weird post that no one will understands.

Note to self

"You didn't grew up with love and concern so you don't need any of those in the future. Stop having expectation and stop evaluating your position in others' hearts because you will never know. Stop being so weak and leak out things that are only meant to be unseen and untold. Stop relying in love because it never pays off. Please do everything that you can to fight for those who matters. Please don't ever ever ever show your true emotion to anyone"

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So I was thinking of my best friend. Thinking about the good times we used to have with each other's company, reading about her one year old blog post about me, it really saddens and dishearten me to see what we are like right now... Why is friendship so fragile? How can people who talks 24/7 stop talking? I miss how we are like in the past.... Heavy thoughts tonight again... When can I have a proper rest...